RE: and so... what?

Last night, I happened to read my ex-bestfriend's blog (owh, such a straight confessions huh?) Well, her last post, 'and so...' caught my eyes. Innocently wrote about why she never opened herself in front of other people and being an unapproachable + unfriendly person in one's eyes. In one paragraph, a phrase in it surprised me even more when she wrote (and I quote) 'the last time I open up to a friend, she turn her back on me'..now, now...

Okay, okay..I know I'm a rational girl, I know I'm not going to get mad over this silly thing (she might have not been talking about me). Well, yeah, I'm okay now. But, I need to straight things out here and there where she might have left out when she wrote it (IF, and ONLY IF SHE MEANT ME).

I don't know IF that kind of situation always happened to her, just about everytime she got friends. But, as in Malay proverb says, 'Siapa makan cili, dia yang terasa pedasnya' (Aku memang makan cili, cili padi lagi; jadinya memang la aku yang rasa pedasnya, durh~).

So, here are the lists of things that I need to straighten out to her:

1. She said 'the last time I open up to a friend, she turn her back on me'.. IF I were that particular friend; I said: Who turn who's back on who's? Me or her?
2. I never turn my back on her, but she turns her back on me! durh (talk about big ego). I invited her to my Open House during Raya celebration, last year (2008), but she never reply my message and she never came too.
3. I never turn my back on her: I never text-messaging her after I got out from my rent house last August just to gave her some space to think or gather up things (IF she ever need space) but I gave her letter the last day I picked up my stuff from the house. IF she only knew what I meant by saying '...saya lebih rela hilang housemate dari hilang kawan baik saya...'. IF she doesn't understand any of it, then let me..I MEANT that: I LOVE YOU, AS YOU ARE MY BESTFRIEND; I'D RATHER LOST MY HOUSEMATE (that is you) THAN LOSING MY BESTFRIEND (and that dear, is YOU also).
4. We used to talk about living together under one roof, as it means-housemate- before we rented an apartment together. We both knew that it's hard (living as a bestfriend+housemate all together) and it might be a complications. But still, we both agreed to live in together, for I, trusted her as a bestfriend and we both are adults and know how to deal with problems.
5. Who's got issues with ego? Me or her? I think the answer's going straight to her face (according to the letter that she wrote to me on 2004: yeah, this problem had happened before). In that letter, she admits herself, that she's got problem with her EGO. I gave her 2nd chance when things started to get heated up last August. I'm apologizing over things that I, myself didn't have a clue whether I ever done it or not (because I LOVED HER-since we became bestfriend in Form 5)..And, truthfully said, I don't like the way our friendship's ended up. But, hey, hey..she neither once forgive and apologize to me!! (what a big-headed, egomaniac girl I've ever met in my entire life). Maybe she thinks that she's TOO PERFECT and NEVER done a single mistake in life and in our friendship.
6. Oh yeah, one thing that she ever made that are funnily childish: BLOCKING ME FROM HER FACEBOOK!! Suddenly reappear in my friend list this early 2009...ekekeke ;p
   

Now, I wonder why she ever wrote that phrase in her blog..my, my..she needs to do some mental therapy and evaluate things; before she ever wrote something that might get back to her.. I don't mind but, puhhh-leaseee...think before you do things that you might regret (but she never regret what she did to peoples-hecks, that's the problem)..

I used to post a song by Paramore: That's What You Get'..I actually dedicated that song to her; my ex-bestfriend (change here+there where it suppose to be about guy because this song's supposedly dedicated to ex-boyfriend).

"well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, to take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try...holding onto silly things, I never learn.
oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard."

(I lied if i told you that I never thinked about her, because WE USED TO BE BESTFRIEND and we used to do our favourite pastimes together -movies, window shopping, waffle etc.- In my heart, she still my bestfriend but in reality, hurm...u guess la...)

Like I said in my past post, this year I want to be happily forgive+forget; and for that, be a forgiver myself..and, here, I want to apologize (sincerely from the bottom of my heart) for words I've ever said and for things that I'd ever done that might hurt you, dear friend; as I (sincerely) forgive her for no matter what she ever done to me..Insyaallah~