Bahasa Inggeris vs. Bahasa Melayu

I am in the middle of flunking my own mother tongue.

I am torn between using Bahasa Melayu or English as my blogs medium.

THE big question mark appeared when some of my blogs entry constantly mixing both languages.

Hear this:

I am a Malay girl and I am not even have a 'darah campuran' (unless you wanna call me mix child because my father is Jawa, Johor...hahaha)

I am not Caucasian, I am not Eurasian.

I am just THE plain Malay girl, growing up in a town near Kuala Lumpur.

But having said all this, I am not acting like Mat Salleh 'celup'.

Literally, I am more comfortable writing in English compare to Bahasa Melayu. Who cares if sometimes I made mistakes in my grammar, my verb and all that. But, I am trying to improves my English every now and then. I felt that, what I am trying to explain and justify (briefly) are better in English, sometimes. Sometimes, la.

Because when I try to clarify some matters in Bahasa Melayu, I got stucked! On my brain or even on my tongue! hahaha. Suddenly I felt like a stupid kids, somehow growing up with no education in Bahasa Melayu; whereas I got A1 in my SPM for Bahasa Melayu. Durh~

So, forgive me when all u can read (here and there) in my blog are a bit mix of both. Anyhow, I tried using one language at one time (entry). But when I reread my Bahasa's entry, I have the impression of carelessly-cums-foolishly insecure. Insecure cuz I'm afraid that people might mistaken my words, so that's why I am writing it in English. It's easier that way.

I think it all come down to how am I being raised. My father used to play an English oldies when I was little (no wonder I never ever heard ALL the stuffs that been played in Ain, Nad + Shidah's playlist -- Malay Oldies --), I am constantly watched English movie (since the day that I have been introduced to cinema, movie, CD etc.), I LOVE English songs (there are good Malay songs but I still prefer English's) and UiTM use English as a first language in teaching (I am an Ex-student of UiTM).

I'm forewarn you; so that you can back-off if you think that my blog is too much for your taste of Mat Salleh's 'celup'ness. ekekeke ;p